29 Apr

Kissin “Steroid” Scandal

Tests positive for web-based ego enhancer

Professional athletes were already reeling from allegations of using performance-enhancing drugs, but until recently, comics had escaped detection.

All that changed when Carl Kissin began dabbling in websites. “I just wanted to keep up with all the other actors. I knew they were doing it and I didn’t want to be left behind.”

As he started to create one page after another highlighting his career and accomplishments, Carl felt bigger and more powerful, but kept ignoring the growing danger of extreme self-involvement. “There’s no question it’s a rush. I mean essentially, on these pages, I am Lord Carl, a loving God, knowable to those who would know me.”

The ego trip came to a screeching halt when he realized that all the promotional hype didn’t actually make him any more talented. “It was rough. I had posted a lot of great quotations about myself as well as some cool pictures, but on stage — same old me.”

Carl got cleaned up and went back to the hard work of writing, performing, and teaching. “I left the web site up as a reminder to others that while it may seem cool to be me, ultimately, you are who you are, even if that’s depressing.